I am sitting on the floor with my legs in a Kris cross position, looking so tiny from above. As I am taking off to look at me from the sky, I can see a very sad woman sitting, thinking and remembering.

There is a lot of light around me, and then I see my dad. I don’t want you to be here, I am telling myself trying so hard to change the picture, go away, haven’t you caused enough sadness and pain? Are 21 years not enough? Go away, but Aba is there, hovering over me like a chopper, in circles, round and around. I am trying with all my power to take him away, but it is no use, he is there. An old family friend is coming up as my mom pops up in the distance, “great come in, I tell them, come here!” . Aba is so big compare to them, he is so close, and want to touch me. He is smiling and looks just like I remember him, young and kind dancing and singing, just like it was until everything changed. As I am looking up from my place of sadness, I see him taking off and circling my body, bringing so much light down to me. I know now, I feel now that you are here to love me, to watch me every minute, making sure I am all right.

Now, 21 years later I am learning to realize what happened. I let anger and frustration control my life; I let fear and revenge keeping us again from being one again. It is now, that I am a mom and understand what you have tried to tell me all along: I love you; I want to have you back in my life. I did not understand you, it’s as if you were speaking one love language and I am another, like to parallel lines, never meet, and never cross, with tension in between. I am sorry Aba, I know now you sent me messages all the time, but I did not understand the language, I was blind.
Now, as the tears are melting the ice around my heart , I can feel your love, I can feel you and I know that even though you are not with us in this life, you are watching me, and I can once again be your little girl who dance with you.

Thank you Aba for showing me what I needed to see, Thank you for letting me be free again and feel love.

I am landing, I am getting back into my body sitting in a Kris cross position, and I know that I am home. Aba is free, I am free and we can both love again just like we did before everything changed.

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