Lately, I have been dealing with some of my own kindness issues. It seems that it is the easiest for me to tell others to be kind, but it is the hardest to do it by myself. I find myself being unkind and unloving to those who I care the most, and not sure what is going on, and what can I do to shift my attitude.

“Kindness can become its own motive. We are made kind by being kind.”
Eric Hoffer1902-1983, Author and Philosopher

I feel that I am drifting away from kindness, I feel that I want more for myself, I want others to be kind to me so I can be kind to them. I know it is ridiculous, that it is the other way around, but this is the truth.

I am at a stage of stinginess, of thinking of myself more than thinking of others needs. Why is this happening to me? can I blame the hormones as a mom of a newborn (beside the other three…)?

Can I blame, of use my sleep deprivation as a great excuse for my behavior?

These are all great reasons for me to understand why, but what I really feel is that I need to take myself in two hands and CHANGE MY ATTITUDE!

This is not always so easy for me to do, but I know that I have to do it. I have to find the kindness within me – to myself and to the people who I love the most.

So – I am thinking to myself :” what act of kindness I can do for them?” funny, but often times I will think of something that I would love if someone would do for me, but for the one I am doing it for, it does not seems like a big deal at all. For example – few days ago I went to my kids room and noticed that the closet was a BIG mess. So, I decided to clean it up and organize it so they will see what they have there. The boys were not home at that time, but I expected them to at least say ” thanks mom”. Well, this is not what happened. they didn’t even see/realized/paid attention that their cloths were organized!

I realized that because they don’t really care if their cloths are nice and tidy or not, they don’t really care if I organizing them or not!

Opps, now I get it – I need to make sure that my act of kindness (assuming I want the other person to notice it) should apply to their needs.

So, today, I tried something else. I cooked dinner while the kids where not at home.

When they came home they were so happy to smell dinner and were so grateful for the yummy dishes.

They felt being taken care of, and I could feel their happiness. ‘

so, this is half stingy – make an act of kindness to someone you love, and do it about something that they care about (not me!!!),and it will bring the results I am looking for. Happiness and gratitude.

More to come….