No matter what the question is, The answer is always…..

When I met my friends yesterday, we decided to meet today, with the kids at Borders book store.

My kids LOVE to go to Borders, we call it ‘The library with the Hot Chocolate’. Every time we go there, they get to drink Hot Chocolate with all the goodies on top of it!

Today, my Son was really excited about going to the store because a new book that he wanted to read just came out!

So, we got to the store, he found the book and set down to read it. After 2 1/2 hours at the store, I told him we will be leaving soon since it is time to cook dinner. He was very disappointed to hear that because he didn’t get a change to read the whole book. When he asked me to buy the book I refused. You can imagine he was not happy at all. On top of him being upset about the book, he WAS HUNGRY!

I don’t know about your kids, but when my son is hungry, things are not going well. He can not think straight, he is whinny and he is driving me nuts!

So, today he was hungry.

When we finally left the store, he would not get in the car. So here I am in the car with the other kids, the Baby is crying and he is just standing there on a strike! (lately he is often striking ..).

I asked him few times to get in, understanding he is upset, but it’s time to go.

He would not get in.

So, I gave him the choice to get into the car, or stay there… of course I would not leave him there, but I didn’t know what else to do. Eventually, once I put the gear in and started to move the car, he decided he better be on that car!

So, with a cranky kid and a screaming baby, off we drove home.

When we got home, he would not leave the car. Ok, so I left him at the car with me being able to watch him, and I went to cook dinner.

I came twice to ask him to come home and eat dinner since it was obvious he is hungry dahhh…

He would not. After an hour (that he was pretending to be sleeping every time I came closer to the car), I dragged him out of there, hoping he would change his attitude.

Anyhow, after about 30 more min he spend at the yard, he finally went inside the house and set to eat something.

If you are a parent, you can imagine how lost I felt. I knew he was looking for my attention, but I also knew that once I start a war, I have to finish it.

And I did – I let him choose when he would eat, knowing he needs to eat RIGHT NOW.

If only it was that simple…..

“Often we allow ourselves to be upset by small things we should despise and forget. We lose many irreplaceable hours brooding over grievances that, in a year’s time, will be forgotten by us and by everybody. No, let us devote our life to worthwhile actions and feelings, to great thoughts, real affections and enduring undertakings.”
Andre Maurois1885-1967, Writer

after he ate, I told him we need to talk about what happened today, and see what he learned from it.

I must say, that I was very surprised of the speed he got to understand what had happened. This is what he told me after we were all in a better place : ” I am sorry for being selfish. I know that when I am hungry I can’t think well, but I don’t know what to do about it”

I was so proud of him for realizing his behavior without me telling him what I think… I have a tendency to do that ….

We talked a bit more about what he can do to avoid those situations (-e.g. realize he is angry, and check to see if he ate lately), and we got to understand that this behavior is no fun for any of us.

I learned a lot from this afternoon, and I am sure my son did to. I learned that sometime I feel like I am the bad mom, but in a way, I am helping my son figure out by himself, for himself what is going on. Most of the time I feel I am too hard on my kids, but I really want to teach them that they are the ones in charge of their body, their attitude, mood and life. They need to be the one paying attention to their body, and learn to work with it.

Although I am exhausted from today’s’ adventures, I must say that I feel happy for my son and his insights. I think we learned a lot today – him : to look at himself and make a decision about how he is going to behave and take the actions in that direction , and me – learn patience, love and admire him as a person.

Oh, almost forgot – The answer to the question “No matter what the question is the answer is always …… LOVE.

Tip of the month… Try this!

Kelsie Kenefick is a wonderful author I got to meet in person about 2 years ago. We traveled together to one of the most powerful seminar I have been to. At that time, she was working on market her first book. It is a joy to see her moving forward, now with another book 🙂

I just got her newsletter and thought that this advise can serve us all well.

From – http://www.naturallystressfree.com/

TIP OF THE MONTH… TRY THIS!

Do you feel like you carry “the weight of the world” on your shoulders? Have you ever noticed that the word “should” is contained within the word shoulder?
Let’s look at this word – should – and what happens in your body when you “should” on yourself…

We all lay too many shoulds on ourselves… and “have to’s”, “ought to’s” and “got to’s”. This puts extra pressure on yourself which you don’t need. The tension from this usually gets stored in the shoulders. You probably don’t need more tension there!

Catch yourself when you say it outloud… AND catch yourself when you hear it in your head.
Most of you know what I mean by “self-talk”… it is the neverending stream of thought that goes through our minds. That is the nature of the mind… a neverending stream of thought. Those thoughts can work for us, or against us, when it comes to our lives and our health.

Replace the word “should” with “chose to”. It is much more empowering. For example, instead of grumbling in your mind that “I have to go to work today… grumble, grumble” say to yourself, “I chose to go to work today! I am grateful for my work.” Because… indeed you are chosing. You will start to feel much lighter and happier with this one simple, little tip.

Don’t “should” on yourself for the next month and see what happens!

5 keys to long lasting marriage

I was reading with great interest this article, since I know how many ups and downs I had in my marriage.

http://marsvenusliving.com/2009/03/29/long-term-commitment-marriage/

Although I think that the 5 keys John Gray is presenting are very true, I find that it is a bit unreal.

Here is my take on it ( As the comment I posted on John’s web site)

I am reading with great interest the comments on this subject. I have been married for 14 years and I know that we have been through ups and downs throughout our marriage.

Now, we are somewhere between a BIG down and on the way up. What I find that helps a lot is communication. As long as we can talk openly to one another, we can get back on the right track

Like many other men, my husband has the tendency to go to his ‘cave’, He can keep things to himself for a long time, and not sharing with me what the heck is going on. The effect of the cave is destructive; first, it drives me crazy that I can’t talk to him, or he can not talk to me, second – and it creates a lot of tension between us in all aspects – sex, solving simple issues and parenting.

The luck of communication is a BAD habit that men ( well, most men), tend to fall into. When my husband and I talk over big as well as small things, we get connected and from there things flow. Talking can be also with anger, god knows we are humans…. Something I will cry and scream, it is all part of being a living human being.

No one talked abut Sex – sex is not only for fun and having kids – sex is a communication way. When we are having sex, we connect to one another in ways that no talk will do. We learn to be gentle, ask what the other wants, learn patience and explore new ways to make the other feel loved. Sometime, time pass and we find that we haven’t had sex for a long time (especially with young kids, crazy work hours etc). I can tell that luck of sex is affecting our relationship – big time!
Especially for men, who feel loved through sex, it is very important to make time for that!

Women – when you are tired and the last thing you want to have it sex, think about how you felt after a good sex and hold on to this image when you find the energy to do it!

And last but not least – I completely agree with talking the time to learn to LOVE YOURSELF FIRST.
My mom, who is a very smart lady, told me once “You can’t give what you don’t have. You need to wake up every day and tell yourself – I love being Relli, I love Relli. Only when you get to the core of your self love, you can feel the love to someone else”.
This is one of the best advices I ever got. Took me a LONG LONG Time to love myself. Today, I think I got to a good place regards to who I am and I really don’t care what others think about me. Being in that space, I can choose how to react, forgive, and move on with my life. The more I take the time to nurtured myself, the more I have to give to my husband, our relationship and most important – our children.

Love yourself first, it is the ‘new’ selfish 😉

Relli