I was reading with great interest this article, since I know how many ups and downs I had in my marriage.

http://marsvenusliving.com/2009/03/29/long-term-commitment-marriage/

Although I think that the 5 keys John Gray is presenting are very true, I find that it is a bit unreal.

Here is my take on it ( As the comment I posted on John’s web site)

I am reading with great interest the comments on this subject. I have been married for 14 years and I know that we have been through ups and downs throughout our marriage.

Now, we are somewhere between a BIG down and on the way up. What I find that helps a lot is communication. As long as we can talk openly to one another, we can get back on the right track

Like many other men, my husband has the tendency to go to his ‘cave’, He can keep things to himself for a long time, and not sharing with me what the heck is going on. The effect of the cave is destructive; first, it drives me crazy that I can’t talk to him, or he can not talk to me, second – and it creates a lot of tension between us in all aspects – sex, solving simple issues and parenting.

The luck of communication is a BAD habit that men ( well, most men), tend to fall into. When my husband and I talk over big as well as small things, we get connected and from there things flow. Talking can be also with anger, god knows we are humans…. Something I will cry and scream, it is all part of being a living human being.

No one talked abut Sex – sex is not only for fun and having kids – sex is a communication way. When we are having sex, we connect to one another in ways that no talk will do. We learn to be gentle, ask what the other wants, learn patience and explore new ways to make the other feel loved. Sometime, time pass and we find that we haven’t had sex for a long time (especially with young kids, crazy work hours etc). I can tell that luck of sex is affecting our relationship – big time!
Especially for men, who feel loved through sex, it is very important to make time for that!

Women – when you are tired and the last thing you want to have it sex, think about how you felt after a good sex and hold on to this image when you find the energy to do it!

And last but not least – I completely agree with talking the time to learn to LOVE YOURSELF FIRST.
My mom, who is a very smart lady, told me once “You can’t give what you don’t have. You need to wake up every day and tell yourself – I love being Relli, I love Relli. Only when you get to the core of your self love, you can feel the love to someone else”.
This is one of the best advices I ever got. Took me a LONG LONG Time to love myself. Today, I think I got to a good place regards to who I am and I really don’t care what others think about me. Being in that space, I can choose how to react, forgive, and move on with my life. The more I take the time to nurtured myself, the more I have to give to my husband, our relationship and most important – our children.

Love yourself first, it is the ‘new’ selfish 😉

Relli

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